Almost
by Lord Ravenwood
Summary: AU Faberry One-Shot Angst. Sitting there in the hospital room next to Quinn's gentle breathing body, Rachel begins to understand what she almost had. Takes place after "On my way".


**AN: An attempt at something sad and angsty. And to help me through a writer's block. Please enjoy.**

* * *

Rachel always hated hospitals when she was a small child. She didn't understand why. Her Daddy was a ER Doctor for a number of years and when she used to visit him at work small Rachel would almost have panic attacks walking down the too white hallways.

But now she had whole new reason to hate hospitals. Her eyes were fixed upon the body that rested silently in the hospital bed. Hooked up to so many machines that gave a steady small sounds to fill the silence of the room.

No matter how Rachel tried to reason it, the answer to why she put her entire wedding on the line for Quinn to show up was something she couldn't say out loud. They had come so far since the years of early highschool, she would go as far of even saying they were friends.

The words kept on replaying in her head, _"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right?"_

Rachel was too scared to say anything in that moment, only nodding dumbly, watching a flash run across Quinn's face. It couldn't be, could it? But now, sitting there in the dark room, it was becoming very much more obvious to Rachel that answer to that question.

No one understood why Rachel refused to leave Quinn's side. Santana just stared at her with narrowed eyes as if the latino girl was trying to figure out what she was playing as. Finn tried to get her to leave to sleep, but Rachel was more than happy to keep on sitting at her spot.

Her Fathers were her silent support, they didn't understand what Rachel was going through but they knew that it meant everything for Rachel to stay by her enemy turned friend's side.

Her only real companion was Judy Fabray. The aging blonde haired woman hadn't talked much in the days following the accident. But they seemed to draw from each other. Rachel had been sure if there was anyone that would of thrown her out of that room it would of be Judy.

Instead the woman seemed to know something Rachel didn't, something that no one else did.

Sighing softly, Rachel glanced down at her phone, visiting hours was nearly over which meant going back to the visiting room. Maybe she would sneak away for a few hours to shower and change, she could even start to smell herself.

Her brown eyes fell on the still form of Quinn. Her chest moving gently up and down as the girl was still stuck in a coma. Perhaps that was the only good thing in this all, Quinn was blissfully unaware of what was happening to her, stuck in her own head.

"For a long time I didn't understand it." A voice filled the room that nearly made Rachel jump out of her seat.

Her eyes went over to Judy who was sitting on the other side of the bed, her hands folded in her lap as she played with her wrinkly fingers. Judy's blue eyes holding Rachel's glaze. It was the first words said between the two since a "hello" that morning.

"W..what?" Rachel's voice felt dry, swallowing loudly to wet her mouth.

Judy's eyes didn't move away from Rachel's, holding her stare as the feeling in the room shifted, "She always spoke about you. All the time, at first I didn't get it and I don't think she did either."

Rachel's brow nearly lifted up at that, instead Rachel shifted in her seat. Allowing Judy to keep on speaking, "I remember a few weeks after she came back to live with me we were talking about everything that happened since that night. She told me about how it was because of you everyone at Glee Club found out about her cheating on Finn."

Rachel's face dipped slightly, there was a lot of things she had been starting to regret over the past days and that was becoming one of the largest ones. It wasn't out of doing what was right, that Finn had the right, she thought she wanted Finn for herself, "I expected her to of killed me and I wouldn't of stopped her. I felt..- empty after I did it."

Judy stayed silent for a few passing moments, eyes looking away from Rachel and settling onto Quinn, "Funny enough, she said she wished she could just hate you because of that. She mumbled something along the lines 'It would make everything so much easier if I hated her'. Then she got a weird look on her face as if she realized something before she just shook her head."

Rachel didn't know what to say, it wasn't until half way through Junior Year that the two girls started to form a friendship that surprised everyone and Rachel the most. Rachel knew Quinn was a passionate person and the two always held a special kind of bond but hearing it from the mouth of Quinn's own mother was something else.

"I think it was then she realized it. You understand what I am saying, don't I?" Judy looked up from Quinn's body to hold Rachel's eyes once more.

Rachel had been dancing around _that_ since Quinn first spoke up against Finn's marriage posal to her. And then the the look on Quinn's face when she said she would support the two, Rachel wasn't strong enough to admit that it was heartbreak across Quinn's face. Or the moment in the bathroom during prom their Junior year when Rachel meant every word of Quinn being much more than a pretty girl.

It was the feeling that set into her stomach the morning of her wedding. It was the feeling that made her put her entire wedding on whole for her 'friend' that had to be there. Quinn had to be there, Quinn had to walk through those doors because Rachel needed her to say those three words that she never thought she had to hear from Quinn's lips.

Because if those three words were whispered Rachel could finally admit it outloud what she had been feeling for months.

Because that song was not being sung to Finn.

In spite of everything,as the words rang through her head, Rachel couldn't help but to give a sad smile as she looked down at Quinn form.

"Quinn said for months that I was going to throw my entire life away. In the store when we were picking out dresses she told me that she always respected that I was willing to let nothing get in front of my ambition. It reminded me of something Mr. Schu said to me years ago, 'Some day, someone is going to love you for your everything. Even the parts that you and everyone else hates.'" Rachel said as she ran her sweaty palms over her covered thighs.

Judy gave a small sad smile at Rachel, "I understand."

It was sometime later that Judy finally left to go eat something and change, leaving Rachel with a pat on her shoulder. The sun had dropped hours ago, the only lighting the room came from the different machines that Quinn was hooked up to. The entire wing was quiet, the few nurses going back and forth checking on their patients.

Visiting hours had long finished, perhaps they were taking a mercy on her and Judy. Knowing the case of what happened to Quinn, it was a small mercy in some aspects. Rachel could never leave her for long.

Drawing her feet up into the chair and rested her head back against the wall and wrapped her jacket around her tighter. The need for sleep starting to get to her as her eyes slowly closed on the sight of Quinn breathing softly.

* * *

 _Rachel woke with a start. Her senses were slow in coming as she sat up slightly in the bed she was laying in. That was odd, the last she remembered she was sitting in the hospital room with Quinn._

 _The sun was shining through the open window near the bed and glancing down at her body Rachel found herself stark naked. Snapping out of her haze she tried jumping off the bed to find clothes or anything, but instead found herself being tangled into the sheets and flopping off the side of the bed to slam her head into the floor._

" _Holy.." Rachel grumbled out, trying her best to move out from the tangled sheets and hold her now pounding head._

 _Though the girl didn't get far, because the sound of feet hitting what must of been stairs and a voice that she was starting to think she would never hear again, "Rachel? Are you alright?"_

 _Rachel stopped dead in her tracks when the door to the bedroom threw open and the person of her heartache stood in the doorway. That familiar raised brow and smirk on her face, Rachel was stuck like a deer in the headlights. Quinn looked older, a pair of black glasses on her face, dressed in what must've been a pair of Christmas pj's._

 _It was so unbelievably odd yet felt so right at the same time._

" _Got stuck in the bed did you? I must of worn you out last night." The woman teased as she came forward to help Rachel up from the floor._

 _Rachel couldn't speak, here she was naked in front of what must've been a Quinn 10 years down the road. She was even more speechless when she found Quinn's lips being pressed to hers in such a sweet kiss that it made Rachel's toes curl and found herself pressing herself into Quinn. Smalls hands tangling and gripping the front of Quinn's pj's while the blonde's hand gently gripped the back of Rachel's neck._

 _It had to be a dream, but it was the best dream Rachel could ever imagine._

" _Mom, is everything alright?" Another female voice rang from somewhere deeper into the house,_

" _Stop making out up there." Yet another voice rang out, a male one this time._

 _Quinn broke from the kiss, her eyes still on Rachel's for a few passing moments. Her right hand cupping her cheek gently as her thumb traced over cheekbone, her warm breath running over Rachel's features. It felt so right that it nearly made Rachel want to cry._

 _So much in fact that Rachel's eyes were starting to pool with tears, Quinn raised a brow as she wiped her thumb to catch a spare tear that had dropped, "Are you okay, Baby?"_

 _The word baby made a such a warm feeling flow through her body, so much that she gave a small sob and brought herself closer to Quinn. Forgetting for a moment that she was naked in front of her highschool love and this was most likely only a dream, "I just had a bad dream."_

 _Quinn's face buried itself into the top of Rachel's head and pressed a kiss there, "It's alright, Love. Everything is fine, but we still have two very twitchy kids wanting to open their presents and I know how you are about the Christmas festivals. I was about to come wake you up."_

 _Rachel gave a giggle, losing herself for a moment, "I expect that dont want to see me naked then."_

 _It was all very odd for Rachel, sitting there on the couch wearing the same Christmas pj's as Quinn. Quinn next to her as they looked down at their two children, Charlotte and Charles. Two nearly teenager twins of dirty blonde hair and green eyes. Quinn's arm was thrown over her shoulder and made sure Rachel was properly snuggled into her side._

 _They watched with smiles as the kids tore through the mountain of gifts, Quinn's hand clasped tightly with hers as the other sipped a cup of coffee. Leaning over slightly so spoke down to Rachel in a low enough voice as Charlotte and Charles started to open their new toys, "Are you going to tell me about this dream of yours?"_

 _Quinn's low and silky voice spoke directly into Rachel's ear, something that made the smaller woman shudder in nearly pleasure. Something she had always dreamed to have and here it all was. Quinn, a life, a house, children, everything she always deeply dreamed of._

" _It was nothing. I..I just love you so much, Quinn." Rachel said simply. Moving slightly so their eyes were staring into each other._

 _Quinn gave a slight giggle, pressing a kiss to the tip of Rachel's nose, "You're adorable."_

" _God, can you two stop for one moment." Charlotte spoke up as she threw a pillow at her two parents._

 _Earning a round of giggles from the Family as Quinn jumped off the couch, "Well because your Mother is making me do everything today, hurry up and get dressed, we only have an hour before everyone starts showing up."_

 _Rachel couldn't help to giggle at Quinn's actions, so what if it was a dream, this was her dream and she was going to enjoy every moment of it, "It's because you do it so well, Love."_

 _It was sometime later that Rachel found herself wearing a black dinner dress and hair down up in an elegant bun with nearly everyone from Glee Club running around the large house. Santana and Brittany with their one child James. Kurt and Blaine with their triplets, Rachel still couldn't keep track of who was who. Finn, Noah, Sam, Mercedes, Mr. Schu and Ms. Pillsbury._

 _Granted it was odd calling them Mr and Ms. when it was quite obvious all of them were far gone from their highschool days._

 _Rachel wandered from the warm halls and the sound of talking and laughter. Slipping a long black pea coat on she slipped into the cool night. There was a fresh blanket of snow, making Rachel to dust off one of the benches that made up the patio in the backyard._

 _It was all too much for Rachel, the entire day. From always having Quinn at her side, to Charlie and Charles. It made her heart be faster and faster, she found herself a number of times having to hold back her tears. Was it even a dream even more? Was it simply her reality now, whatever this life was._

 _She was pulled from her thoughts when the snow crunched on the path, Rachel's eyes found Quinn's as the woman carried two steam mugs in either gloved hand, "I thought I would find you here."_

 _Rachel only smiled as Quinn sat down next to her. Offering Rachel a mug of tea as she used her now free arm to curl around Rachel's shoulders. Rachel reacting on pure feeling to rest her head on Quinn's shoulder as they stared out over the backyard and the snow._

" _You have been acting strangely today, Rachel, was the dream that bad?" Quinn's soft voice filled the silence._

 _Rachel sighed as she shut her eyes. Setting the mug down on the bench next to her, her nose took in the smell of Quinn's perfume, trying to hold the feeling of Quinn's warm body next to her, holding her like she was the only care in the world, "It's just one of those days, you know?"_

" _It's alright, Love. You know how I worry about you. You have been pushing yourself the past few months with the movie. I at least hope that the Christmas break is going good for you." Quinn spoke down into Rachel's ear, "I have missed my wife."_

 _Those words nearly brought another set of tears to Rachel, 'my wife'. Those words would forever ring in her ears. She simply hugged Quinn tightly, "I love you so much, Quinn."_

" _I love you too, Rachel. Just like we said in our vows, I'll find you in every life."_

 _Rachel found herself being dragged from the bench, suddenly there was music playing from Quinn's phone, a familiar tone that made her giggle as Quinn started to force the two into a slow dance._

 _Rachel was torn inbetween giggling and rolling her eyes to stuttering and blushing at the gesture, "You always start, Rachel, come on."_

 _The woman finally found herself as her voice started to fill the empty air, "I really can't stay."_

 _Then came Quinn's smooth and silky voice, "But baby, it's cold outside."_

 _I've got to go away_

 _(But baby, it's cold outside)_

 _This evening has been_

 _(Been hoping that you'd drop in)_

 _So very nice_

 _(I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)_

 _My mother will start to worry_

 _(Beautiful, what's your hurry?)_

 _My father will be pacing the floor_

 _(Listen to the fireplace roar)_

 _So really I'd better scurry_

 _(Beautiful, please don't hurry)_

 _But maybe just a half a drink more_

 _(Put some records on while I pour)_

 _The neighbors might think_

 _(Baby, it's bad out there)_

 _Say, what's in this drink?_

 _(No cabs to be had out there)_

 _I wish I knew how_

 _(Your eyes are like starlight now)_

 _To break this spell_

 _(I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)_

 _Quinn twisted and pulled the pair around the snow covered backyard before she found herself losing her footing and falling backwards, pulling Rachel on top of her as she fell._

 _The two ended up in a mess of bodies, with the snow slipping through Quinn's nice dress slacks and ruining Rachel's flats. The longer they laid there giggling against each other, their clothes were ruined but neither seemed to care at all._

 _Rachel felt Quinn's hand slipping along the curve of her spine, earning a small sort of moan as her eyes looked down at Quinn, "And what's my Christmas present?"_

" _Me naturally. What else do you need?" Quinn teased, meeting Rachel halfway to gently clasped their lips together. Quinn's butt was freezing and Rachel was pretty sure both of them were going to catch a cold, but all she could feel was the taste of Quinn's tongue and lips on hers and the feel of silky blonde hair through her fingers._

 _They broke apart when the need for air became too much. Their foreheads pressed together as the cold showed their breaths. There was a certain knowing in Quinn's eyes, a flash of something as she kept her stare, "Why I am still crazy about you after all this time?"_

 _What kind of girl didn't want the love of their life to say that to them after singing 'Baby it's cold outside' on Christmas. Rachel's answer was clashing their lips together, lost to her own need to feel Quinn._

 _The moment was broken when the door to the backyard flew open again and their two familiar twins came running through, "Are you guys making out again?"_

 _Rachel simply groaned and pushed her head into Quinn's shoulder though she felt a shiver that wasn't from the cold run through her body when Quinn whispered into her ear, "We can finish this later."_

 _Rachel found herself being picked up effortless by Quinn, "No, Charles. Your mother is a klutz because she wasn't a National Championship Cheerleader like me during highschool."_

 _Rachel was starting to wonder if someone could feel this happy. She only giggled into Quinn's neck as she hid her flushed red cheek. How many times during highschool did she watch Quinn march down the hallways in that Cheerio skirt._

 _Quinn marched over towards a bench that was placed on the back patio. Sitting down but keeping Rachel firmly in her lap, Charlie and Charles jumped up to sit next to their Mothers on the bench. Each hugging closely together to keep warm as they enjoyed the quiet moment of a Family Christmas._

 _Rachel could feel Quinn's breath in her ear, no higher than a whisper, "I love you, Rachel. Merry Christmas."_

* * *

Rachel was curled in the chair fully, dead to the world as she was lost in her own dreams. Holding her jacket like a pillow, her arms hugging it tight. A small smile on her face as she dreamed.

Across the room, Quinn, even through her coma, held a small smile on her face as she seemed to be experiencing her own dream. The beeping from the machines started to slow and slow before finally dead lining.

And as Quinn drew the last breath, the smile still on her face and Rachel's confusion as she slowly came through to the sight of what almost could of been.

* * *

 **AN: I have no idea why I picked Christmas. I just feel like it makes it that even sadder.**


End file.
